Buku text yang dipakai pun sangat bagus, buku-nya Dale Carnegie: “How to win friends and influence people“. Jadi dari buku itu ada banyak prinsipnya. Yang lebih menarik lagi, setiap minggu saya harus mengapplikasikan prinsip itu satu per satu, dan menulis jurnal.

Jadi misalnya…prinsip pertama: “Jangan mengkritik, mengutuk, atau mengeluh”. Jadi dulu saya ingat bagaimana saya mencoba memberi usulan pada bos untuk suatu solusi. Belum apa-apa udah ditolak mentah-mentah. Bos saya yang dulu sangat konservatif. Sebagai seorang fresh-graduate yang penuh ide, idealisme masih tinggi, banyak hal yang pengen saya perbaiki.haha. Sedangkan bos saya susah menerima ide. Jadi saya memulai dengan “begin in a friendly way”, “start with questions the other person will answer yes to”, dan akhirnya “let the other person feel the idea is his/hers”. Akhirnya sedemikian hingga, saya bisa meyakinkan bos untuk mengadopsi ide saya, walaupun bos saya mengclaim itu sebagai ide dia. Tapi tidak masalah, yang penting goal tercapai. Semuanya jadi lebih baik.

Secara umum prinsip-prinsip di buku itu baik.

TAPI, dosen saya waktu itu bilang, “Kalian bisa saja menggunakan prinsip-prinsip ini untuk mendapatkan apa yang kalian mau, tetapi ketika kalian mulai melakukan ini untuk memanipulasi orang lain, jangan, itu mengerikan”

Dosen saya memberi contoh. Misalnya, waktu itu dia lagi mau membeli sebuah TV plasma seharga $3,000. Sebagaimana umumnya rumah tangga yang baik, dia perlu dapat “approval” dulu dari menteri keuangan (baca: istrinya). Jadi pas lagi nonton tv bareng istrinya dia bilang, “Wah, tv kita kecil yah, agak susah membaca textnya. Kamu kebayang ngga lama kelamaan mata kita bisa rusak”. Istrinya, “Oh iya ya?”. Dia melanjutkan, “Iya, dibanding mata kita sakit, gimana kalau kita lihat-lihat tv yang lebih besar, di future shop kebetulan lagi ada diskon”. Haha, dan istrinya setuju untuk membeli tv. Coba bayangkan kalau suaminya out of nowhere tiba-tiba bilang ke istrinya kalau dia mau beli TV plasma segede gaban, tanpa menjelaskan alasannya.

Dosen itu bilang, kita ngga bisa mengganti karakter seseorang tapi bisa mempengaruhinya.

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Saya hari ini lumayan dibuat kesel sama perilaku satu orang (yang katanya) teman, kita sebut saja si A. Si A cuma mengobrol dengan saya cuma kalau ada perlu, dan yang lebih menjengkelkan, dia biasa memulai dengan lip service. Tetapi ya ujung-ujungnya dia ada maunya. Pernah saya diundang makan malam ulang tahun pacarnya. Dengan senang hati saya datang. Tetapi kemudian dia mengirimkan email yang intinya berkata kalau dia mau memberi sebuah kado untuk pacarnya yang cukup mahal, nah kita diminta berpartisipasi. Wew…kado untuk pacar sendiri kok pake acara “nodong” teman yang diundang. Saya yang diundang jadi merasa kalau dia mengundang itu nggak tulus, cuma sekedar “fundraising” untuk supaya dia bisa beliin kado pacarnya. That’s not nice! That’s embarassing!

Dan kejadian-kejadian lainnya pun membawa saya kepada kesimpulan, saya sulit untuk berteman dengan orang ini. Phew…pintar sekali seperti sales obat, membuka pembicaraan dengan sesuatu yang enak dan mengakhiri dengan sesuatu yang bersifat “mau menang sendiri”. Cukup gerah juga, cukup terlihat bahwa hubungan pertemanan kita ini tidak tulus. Dulu dalam satu satu kotbahnya Pak Stef pernah bilang tentang hal ini:

Kalau dalam suatu hubungan, salah satu pihak mau mengambil keuntungan dari pihak yang lain, hubungan itu tidak akan berkembang jauh.

Ah…some people are just not sincere…and cheap.

Alone at Your “Jordan” ( Kings 2:14 ). The Jordan River represents the type of separation where you have no fellowship with anyone else, and where no one else can take your responsibility from you. You now have to put to the test what you learned when you were with your “Elijah.” You have been to the Jordan over and over again with Elijah, but now you are facing it alone. There is no use in saying that you cannot go— the experience is here, and you must go. If you truly want to know whether or not God is the God your faith believes Him to be, then go through your “Jordan” alone.

Alone at Your “Jericho” ( 2 Kings 2:15 ). Jericho represents the place where you have seen your “Elijah” do great things. Yet when you come alone to your “Jericho,” you have a strong reluctance to take the initiative and trust in God, wanting, instead, for someone else to take it for you. But if you remain true to what you learned while with your “Elijah,” you will receive a sign, as Elisha did, that God is with you.

Alone at Your “Bethel” ( 2 Kings 2:23 ). At your “Bethel” you will find yourself at your wits’ end but at the beginning of God’s wisdom. When you come to your wits’ end and feel inclined to panic— don’t! Stand true to God and He will bring out His truth in a way that will make your life an expression of worship. Put into practice what you learned while with your “Elijah”— use his mantle and pray (see 2 Kings 2:13-14 ). Make a determination to trust in God, and do not even look for Elijah anymore.

Source: My Utmost For High Highest – August 11

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This is not the first time I have to say “till we meet again” to my “Elijah”. But certainly, it’s never been easy. God, You are my God and I am thankful for all the people You bring into my life. Things I learn in the past one year:

• Don’t ever think to be a hero in serving God
• Honor our parents whatever the situation and condition was/is/is going to be.
• We just happen to be slaves who were allowed to enjoy the goodness of God.
• There is much we can do – especially for others less than we are and who need our help.
• Continue to serve others – and God will be responsible for all of our lives.

Life can be very hard. “…no matter how hard we try to bring order and peace into our lives, there are moments when everything seems to be falling apart and times when we not only feel we are drowning but are sure someone or something is holding us under” (Paul J. Wadell, Becoming Friends, 112-113). Already we are seeing increasing incidences of depression, suicide and domestic violence as the global economy continues to tank. A closer look at the stats however, suggests that it is not the blows of life that finally get us. It’s having to face them alone.

My fear is that the pace and the structure of modern society leave many of us bereft of even one true friend much less two. Unfortunately the church community can be as lonely as the world. There is a prevalent triumphalism that teaches, or at least implies, that if you are walking right with God, you should have no problems, and that if you do have difficulties, you should be able to overcome them easily. Such an attitude leads to much superficiality in church-based relationships where people hardly know each other much less share their deepest struggles. We note that Jesus, truly God and truly man, and our model of what it means to be truly human, did not shy away from sharing His deepest struggles and His need for community.

[Then Jesus went with them to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and he said, "Sit here while I go over there to pray." He took Peter and Zebedee's two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. He told them, "My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me." (Matthew 26:36-38 NLT)]

We need our friends in good times, to share our joys, and we surely need our friends in tough times, to help give us the courage to carry on. Paul J. Wadell cites Aelred on this aspect of friendship.

[A second reason Aelred says we need good friendship is that life is often hard for us, more than any of us can handle alone ... None of us can navigate the perils of life alone, and we shouldn't try to do so. Sometimes we need to be rescued. Sometimes we need others to lean on, someone to take our hand and guide us along when our luck runs out, and this is what friends do for us. At moments of chaos and confusion, suffering and loss in our lives, they do not want us to be alone. They want to be with us and help us though our tribulations. (Becoming Friends, 112-113)]

I say a loud “amen” to Aelred and Wadell. As I look back on my life, I note the times of deep brokenness and despair. For each of those moments I can name the names of the friends who were there for me. Without them I would have been lost a long time ago. I cannot thank them enough. I can try to pass it forward. I can try to walk with my friends in their times of “chaos and confusion, suffering and loss…”

Do you have life-giving friends in your life? The thing is, you can’t treat friends like a fire extinguisher, “breaking the glass” to get to them only in times of crisis, when we need them. We value our friends for whom they are and not for what we can get out of them. Therefore in good times or bad we need to make time for our friends. We need to meet up with them regularly to share our lives. In good times we may fool ourselves into thinking that we can go it alone. One of the redeeming features of tough times is that it reminds us that none of us can go it alone. We need God. And we need our friends.

Book cited. Wadell, Paul J. Becoming Friends. Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2002. The quotation above I read in a presentation file given by a Navigator last month.

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My brother wrote the above to me when I faced hard times in life. I truly believe that every problem will bring us closer to Lord Jesus, especially the unspeakable problem, it will make us strong. And I am thankful to be able to name the names of friends who were there for me

Begitu banyak masalah ketika perbuatan kita tidak sesuai dengan perkataan kita. Dalam sehari, ada berapa banyak kalimat yang kita ucapkan. Apakah benar perbuatan kita sesuai dengan kata-kata kita?

Muda-mudi yang sedang berpacaran mungkin bisa ratusan kali mengucapkan kata “I love you” selama masa pacaran. Tapi apakah benar demikian? Apakah cinta itu sudah benar-benar nyata dalam setiap perbuatan kita? Ketika pasangan beradu pendapat sering terucap kalimat, “Aku melakukan ini karena aku mencintai engkau”. Menarik, apakah benar demikian?

Ketika kita mengatakan “Aku percaya pada Tuhan”. Apakah benar demikian? Apakah kita masih terus percaya ketika masalah datang? Apakah yang kita lakukan sudah membuktikan bahwa kita percaya? Implikasi satu kalimat di atas berdampak besar.

Integritas terbentuk ketika perbuatan seseorang sama dengan apa yang dia ucapkan. Tidak ada orang yang sempurna untuk selalu berintegritas, tapi tidak ada salahnya melatih diri untuk mengatakan apa yang kita benar-benar maksud, dan melakukan sungguh-sungguh apa yang kita katakan.

Sedalamnya hati manusia, hanya Tuhan yang tahu. Rasa kecewa pasti muncul ketika kita menaruh harapan pada manusia, seberapa sempurnanya mereka. Terus berharap pada Tuhan

Saya suka karakter Po. Bagi saya Po adalah karakter yang tulus, mempunyai cita-cita, bekerja keras. Gambar profile msn saya sering saya ganti menyesuaikan dengan gambar dari msn abang saya. Waktu dia memakai gambar doraemon, saya pun pakai doraemon. Nah waktu dia pakai Po, saya juga pasang Po. Nah waktu dia ganti lagi, saya belum ganti-ganti lagi sampai sekarang.hehehe.

Mungkin karena gambar Po ini adalah gambar yang paling lama saya pakai, beberapa orang kalo melihat Po, jadi ingat saya. Haha, termasuk kawan yang hari ini baru ngasi kado farewell. Saya kira kadonya apa, besar sekali, begitu saya buka….*tadaaa* Mainan Po yang bisa nendang & puter, lengkap sama suara Jack Black sekitar 50 different phrases. Wow, thank you!

FRIENDSHIP…hang together even in the hard situation